Thursday

Some days I wonder if the whole world is against me. You know the kind of day I mean? When you wake up in the morning and everything goes wrong from the moment you make that decision to place one foot out of bed. I am having one of those days...

I had an interview on Monday in Watford. Didn't go particularly well to be honest and it didn't help right at the start when the person interviewing me advised what the salary was. Not anywhere near what I was expecting and for what the job entails and hours required, seems somewhat, dare I say, stingy. I was given the option of not going ahead with the interview but why couldn't they have discussed this with me over the 'phone beforehand rather than allowing me to waste my time and money getting there? Sigh... Anyway, I did go through the interview, which felt more like a 90 minute interrogation. I felt that at times my integrity was being questioned - 'is that what you genuinely believe?' YES! Otherwise I wouldn't have said it! I probably took it a little too personally but it seemed that the interviewer was trying to trick me or trip me up somewhere. I didn't feel great about it and I am not sure if, in the unlikely event they offer me the job, that I want to take it. Financially speaking, I could just about live on the salary they are offering but that's about it.

I had a letter from the OU today advising that my application for one of the jobs I'd applied for with them had been declined. Not even the courtesy of an explanation as to why. Similar response from an application I had with Coutts in Milton Keynes. Took them a long time to tell me that I hadn't been shortlisted for an interview and again no feedback as to why. It would be nice to know the reasons in both cases why I wasn't selected.

Today I also got a letter from the Job Centre confirming that they will pay me Jobseekers Allowance of £59 a week. What a joke! How is anyone supposed to live on that? I don't have an extravagant lifestyle but totalling up my bills and insurances, that isn't going to cover it let alone provide for food etc.

I feel at the moment like I am facing a bleak outlook. I've set myself a target of getting a job sorted by Christmas. If I don't then I am going to have to take whatever I can find in the New Year and I do mean anything. Being at home all the time is depressing me. I feel useless and like I am just wasting my life at the moment. I did take myself out yesterday and I felt a lot better for it, especially as I spent a lot of time walking and doing stuff that took my mind off the job situation. But that is only a temporary reprieve. I suppose most of all I feel a failure at the moment and ashamed that I am in this position.

I do have an interview tomorrow in London and I am keeping everything crossed that this will go well. I really could do with some good news at the moment.