I've been agonising over whether to say this on my blog as I am not sure whether the public shame will motivate me or not! I've been thinking a lot over recent weeks and months about losing weight and not this time just for the short-term. I realise that I need to make long-term and permanent changes to what I eat and my levels of activity as frankly I don't like being fat and part of what is holding me back is my anxiety and unhappiness with my size. I need to regain some self-confidence and self-esteem and I think losing weight will go a long way to achieving both.
So last week I started to think more about what I am eating. In truth its something that I've been doing for a lot longer but I've reached a stage where I just know that if I carry on as I have been, I will make myself ill. As I suffer from high blood pressure losing weight will help bring that down and I am sure provide me with a greater sense of well being generally.
My first week hasn't been very promising. I've been more active but still eating too much of the wrong things. Some of it is laziness, other times its to punish myself or just through boredom and negativity.
Once I get through this week, which is going to be difficult, for all the reasons I've said before, I am going to set myself goals. Realistic, achievable goals of where I want to be, why and how I am going to do it. I think all too often in the past when I've tried to loose weight, I've never asked myself why I want to and therefore never understood what I've wanted at the end of it. And it has been all too easy to set myself targets which are too challenging and unachievable, so that I find it easy to think I've failed and therefore give up. One thing which I have read, which seems to make sense and fit in with where I've gone wrong before is that perfection is impossible, consistency is what is essential.
Even with the rather lacklustre efforts that I've made this part week I lost 3/4lbs. Really not much at all but a step in the right direction. And I know its all going to be little steps, small increments, modest progress but I am determined that I will get there. I am not going to give in or fail myself this time.