Monday, June 11, 2007

Get today over and I can deal with tomorrow

A sentiment that I often feel, that one, just get through today and tomorrow will be better. I can deal with things better tomorrow, when I am fresh and ready, my anxieties behind me. My anxiety today is an exam I am doing this afternoon. This is the culmination of my current Open University course, Power, Dissent, Equality: Understanding Contemporary Politics. Its a three hour exam during which I have to write three essay answers from a range of twelve questions. The questions are in two sections - one on the themes of the course and the other on the different blocks. I've seen the last couple of year's exam papers so know pretty much what to except. I can't help feeling at the moment that I know nothing about any of the course, that it has all somehow slipped me by and I've taken nothing in. Its not true, I do know a lot of the key points and issues but just not sure if I know enough. Can I just wing it in the end and do my best? I'll be glad come 5.30 when the exam is over and I can just come home and put it all behind me.

Then tomorrow there is facing up to being back at work, knowing that a lot of my colleagues are facing redundancy. I am glad in some ways that I am not there today as I imagine the atmosphere will be awful, much as it was come the news on Friday afternoon. As for me, my anger at my fate has abated somewhat, although I am very unhappy that in a weeks time I will be doing a new job, which I can't help but see as a demotion. It is a less demanding job than what I am doing now, less challenging and almost certainly less fulfilling. How do I know this? Because I've done part of the role before and know what is involved. I am upset because I feel like I am being told that I am not good enough for the team I work in now.

My mind is pretty much made up that I need to find a new job and quite honestly I want out of underwriting altogether. I think that whatever similar job I move into, even with another company, will be much the same as it is where I work now. I feel I need a clean break, a fresh challenge and to move onto something completely different. Too long I've been in my comfort zone and I need to push myself to get out of it.

There are many things that I am looking forward too, especially when today and perhaps this week, is out of the way. Saturday I am off on a steam-hauled excursion down to Kent, which I've been looking forward to for months; just waiting for my ticket to come. Tickets that have arrived today are those to the BBC Proms this summer, I am doing seven concerts in all over the season. This will undoubtedly be one of the highlights of the summer months for me and I am much looking forward to the experience.

In July I am going to Celebration Europe, an official Star Wars convention, the enthusiasm for which has been somewhat tempered by the lack of detail and non-arrival (so far) of the ticket that I booked several months ago. In a few weeks time it is my friend Tim's 30th Birthday and I am hoping that the weather holds for that; it should be a lovely day. I am also going to see Derek & Carla in Nuneaton the previous weekend, so two breaks in two weekends will be lovely! Carla has gained British citizenship and I am pleased to be going along to her Citizenship Ceremony.

Somewhere in between all that I am planning to visit my parents down in Portsmouth as I haven't been back since March! Its shocking how the weeks and particularly the weekends slip by with so many plans never fulfilled.

As I say if I can just get through today and into tomorrow, there is so much more to look forward too.

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