Monday, October 30, 2006

An uphill struggle

I have been prescribed new pills by the doctor to control my hypertension and left ventricular hypertrophy. The latter is a fancy way of saying, a thickening of the heart muscle. The irony is not lost on me, that the only muscle in my body that is getting bigger, is the one that shouldn't be! It's not a serious problem although my blood pressure has crept up. I need to get it down and keep it under control. The warning is stark. If I don't then I run the risk of heart failure and increase significantly the risk of having a stroke or a heart attack. The reason I have hypertrophy is precisely becasue I have had undiagnosed hypertension for a long time. I find it bizarre that such a potentially serious condition can have no symptoms and I have probably had it for years before I was diagnosed last year.

Hopefully this course of tablets will not have such an adverse effect on me as the last, which really did begin to make me feel ill. The doctor however thinks that the more likely cause has been rapid changes in blood pressure, probably not helped by the fact that I adopted a stop-start approach to taking the last lot of pills.

I know that I need to loose weight, that is about the most self-evident statement there is. I am doing more exercise, although having a night off tonight; I am still feeling a little sore from the weekend! Also, its about changing my diet and thinking more carefully about what I am eating particularly cutting down on my fat intake. More importantly I think it is about analysing my habits and the sometimes compulsive nature of my eating.

I get easily demoralised though. I feel like I should feel and notice a change almost immediately and I know that just isn't going to happen. Weight loss has to be gradual to be sustainable and its got to be an on-going thing, not just something I can think about now and again, when it feels like a good idea. Sometimes, I wonder if it would help if I had someone to shout at me and tell me what a fat slob I am. Maybe a guilt trip or insults would give me the motivation to stick too healthier eating and exercising. I don't think its enough for me to say that I am doing it for myself, there has to be another goal to it. Its not easy and I know it will be an uphill struggle but if its my future health on the line, I really must make more of an effort and now.

5 comments:

jamie said...

i want to,and intend to,lose weight purely and simply because i want to look good again.
seeing photos of myself from the wedding and recently this weekend with my hero,brian bolland,makes me realise that fat isn't a good look for me. i used to be quite the fanny magnet in my youth,you know... i get by these days on charm and personality but that only goes so far...
i want to buy nice-but not expensive,oh no-clothes and look like a sex machine.
i currently look like a bipot-bellied pig with horrible man-boobs... and it's a look i hate!!!
but.
i love my food.
GODDAMMIT!!!

Carla said...

You can love your food and still make changes to your diet.

I suggest you read 'The Food Revolution' by John Robbins, and/or 'Healthy at 100' by John Robbins. Anything by John Robbins, really! He changed my life.

jamie said...

that's what everybody tells me... but i love fast food,curries and chocolate and crisps...
oooh god,i love chocolate!!!
I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!
but,i suppose on balance,i want more to look sexy again.
like when i was younger.
think i'll change my name to dorian and get a painting done...

Carla said...

One place to start is to watch your self-talk. It doesn't help to say to yourself, 'I love chocolate, I hate vegetables, I hate exercise' etc. It reinforces messages in your mind and they are hard to overcome. You don't have to recite 'I love brussels sprouts and press-ups' but at least stop saying things that set you up for failure. That's one easy thing to do. :) Stop telling yourself it's hopeless and start telling yourself it's entirely possible to lose weight and be healthy.

Mark said...

I completely agree with your comments Carla. A positive frame of mind is half the battle! I constantly have to fight the self-doubt that I will never be able to loose weight and get healthy. There always seems to be obstacles to achieving that goal and too many nice and tasty diversions on the way! What I am trying to do is keep in mind the end result - how much better I will feel and the confidence it will give me. If I keep that in focus, I believe that I can do it.