There is a reason why I haven't updated my blog often in the last couple of weeks. I could bring out that lame old excuse that I've been too busy. That's my standby for most things. A real coward of an answer to either not wanting to do something, couldn't be bothered or don't care. None of those last three really apply here. The truth with the blog is that I've had plenty to say and time to say it in. The reason I haven't is because I am my own worst censor. I think of many things to say and often discard them almost immediately as either being too banal, boring or sometimes too revealing, perhaps. But that's nonsense really. This is my blog and I can be boring in it if I want, can't I? As for too revealing, this is something that I am sure will incense one regular reader of my blog who rightly and justly said that I say a lot without saying anything. I make no apologies for that, its my way and I'll be as downright obstinate about what I say as I want. Read between the words and I probably give away too much anyway.
I've had an interesting week. Monday was more a day of recovery from last weekend than anything and getting back in the hum-drum of work. Had some good news on Monday night - an interview for a job that I applied for, which took place on Thursday afternoon. I was one of only three people being interviewed, which was encouraging as it naturally lessens the odds. Haven't heard as yet whether I've got the job or not, expect to find out Monday hopefully.
Interviews I find a kind of sadistic slow torture, particularly the first question, which asked me to talk through my CV. My first reaction was, 'have you read the bloody thing?! Why do you need me to say what's already evident on the page?' I find getting through these direct personal questions easier if I think about it as being someone else they're asking me to comment on. By adopting this abstract view of myself I can become quite articulate. I have always been evasive of direct personal questions, even if they are not particularly personal. I'd much rather share what I want you to know than answer a direct question.
The other danger I have with interviews is my tendency to waffle and expound on a question that wasn't asked. Worse still after a few minutes I'll realise I am waffling and have totally forgotten the original question. Normally panic will then set in and I will finish off my discourse in some embarrassingly abrupt fashion that probably when thought through doesn't make the slightest sense. It really is a wonder then that I have ever managed to get any job on an interview alone. But at least there may be the smallest glimmer of hope that the interviewers may have seen through my obvious nerves and diversions and gleaned something of what they were looking for.
Wednesday night I watched the final episode of Six Feet Under. It left me, as the show has often done in the past, with a profound sense of sadness and something to think about long after the credits had rolled up the screen. It was very cleverly done intermixing the deaths of all the major characters with Claire's journey to start a new life in New York. In a very real sense the whole series has been about beginnings and endings and showing quite bravely, that death is just a part of life. It doesn't make me fear death any less, although I've often found the manner that Six Feet Under approached this last taboo refreshing and brutally honest.
Yesterday I got myself a new exercise bike to replace the one that broke a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully I can now get back into my exercise routine and start shedding some pounds. I certainly need too as my weight has gone up again these last few weeks. I seem to be stuck at this weight now, losing some one week, then putting it back on the next. If I was happy with the weight I am it wouldn't bother me but I am not. I have to find a way to turn that negative feeling into positive action and most importantly to keep going, even when the negativity gets overwhelming.
Also yesterday I started my latest Open University course - Power, Dissent, Equality: Understanding Contemporary Politics. Naturally, I cannot say much about the course material on here, however the opening book is provocative in its approach to politics and introducing an understanding of how important politics is in our every day lives. In particular it looks at the issue of refugees and asylum seekers and seeks to explain how the issue has become politicised and questioning whether we are really being swamped by asylum seekers or whether it is the way the figures have been used by politicians and tabloids to their own ends. Interesting stuff and it has got me thinking about my views on the subject.
Hopefully over the coming week I can keep the blog updated more often. No lame excuses for me this time next Sunday, I hope!