I have this nagging doubt that when things are going okay it is only a matter of time before it all goes pear-shaped. I was fine yesterday. Happy and had an enjoyable day. Even had some relatively good news from the doctor. My blood pressure it seems has returned to more normal levels and after explaining the side effects I've been having with the tablets, the doctor confirmed that I didn't have to take them anymore. A small victory admittedly and he was still going to write to my GP, who might suggest that I go back on the tablets. I really don't want to. I feel like I've made progress and I can keep my blood pressure to normal levels by watching what I eat and doing more exercise.
I wish I could say that I feel better as a result but I don't. I thought I did but then I had one of those awful moments this afternoon when I suddenly became very dizzy and felt like I was going to faint. The feeling of dizzines and mildly annoying headache hasn't gone - it comes and goes. I think partly it might be to do with my eyesight, which I've noted has got poorer recently. Not massively so but I do notice that I have difficulty reading things at a distance and even close up can sometimes mis-read words. I really should see the optician soon and I have been putting off. I don't like dealing with bad news and I don't want to wear glasses all the time. The option of having contact lenses is even more appallingly bad. I am not sure whether it has anything to do with these dizzy spells but I can't think what else it is. They come on so suddenly and unexpectedly, even if I am just sitting down and watching TV it can happen and at first it is quite awful although after a while I learn to just get on with things and try to forget how I am feeling.
Earlier today I spent some time devising myself an exercise plan for the next 4 weeks, setting myself little goals to achieve and setting out clearly what I need to do. I feel proud about doing it and leaving space on my plan to tick off when I've achieved my goals.
Unfortunately my exercise bike is currently out of action. Rather unhelpfully the left hand pedal has come unscrewed and do you think I can reattach it, hell no! I spent over an hour trying to fit it back on but it looks like the thread on the screw has worn away so don't know if I can reattach it. I will have another go later. This is what I mean about things going wrong just when you think they're okay. This and the return of the dizzy episode this afternoon.
The rest of the day has been a waste. I had so many ideas in my mind of what I wanted to get done, not least to finish the decorating in my bedroom and I've achieved none of them. I very easily become side-tracked and worse start obsessing over the little annoyances of the day.
Doesn't help that I start back at work tomorrow. No doubt there'll be a pile of crap waiting for me when I get in. Even had a phone call from my manager on Friday asking if I wanted to work overtime yesterday! What a f***ing liberty! I am still on holiday!
Oh dear, I just wish the ground would open up and swallow me at the moment. Or someone to just take away all my bad feelings.