Over the last few weeks I have become acutely aware of who my true friends are, the people that I can depend on, the ones that I can trust, those that respect me. There isn't many sadly. Mainly I've realised this through events at work where a number of people I used to work with have left me feeling very disappointed in them. Today was in many ways the icing on the cake.
One of my former colleagues and a good friend, Steve, left today. He's only been with the company for 3 years but we've worked together for most of that time. We sometimes had our disagreements and arguments but most of all I'll remember his good humour, timely advice and friendship over that time. Normally when someone leaves it is I think a courteous thing to have a collection and buy them a small gift and card. None of that happened and I was told quite curtly by one of my other colleagues when I asked, 'we don't do collections for people who are being made redundant.' True, Steve along with the rest of my former team have been made redundant but he had found a job with another company so was leaving for that reason. I thought that to not get him anything was mean so I bought a leaving gift and card and I was the only one who bothered. I think that's shameful, I really do. It annoys and angers me that people can be so selfish and uncaring. I know he wasn't always the easiest of people to work with but he had a big heart and as a person was someone that I always felt could be trusted and depended upon.
As it happens there is a lot of bitterness in my former team. A number of snide and unkind remarks have been made about me by several people I thought were good colleagues. Some of it has been said to me directly, which while I ignore at the time sticks with me. It hurts.
I am beginning to wonder now why I should waste my time with people like this. Its sad because until recently one of the main reasons I've stuck so long in my current job was because I thought I worked with good people, who I could trust and respect. I've realised perhaps belatedly that I have been deluding myself and that leaves me feeling disappointed and used.
I leave my current job in 3 weeks and will be starting a new career with a different company. I've decided because of all that has happened recently - all the ugliness and nastiness - that I am not going to have a leaving do. Why bother? True, there are some people that I will be sorry to say goodbye too but the realisation is that most of them are just people who if I didn't work with I probably wouldn't care to pass the time of day. The people that I will keep in contact with are those that have been more than people who have just made up the numbers.
The same is true of my wider circle of friends. There are frankly a lot of them who do just make up the numbers, who bring nothing to the party as it were. There seems to be a lot of these in my life and why am I wasting my time and energy on people like this?
I do feel uncertain about the future and my new job. I am not sure what it will be like and whether I will enjoy it. However, I see it as an opportunity of cutting loose the past, moving on and having the opportunity to start afresh building new working relationships and hopefully some enduring friendships.