Doing my duty

I've always taken voting very seriously. Since I was first able to vote, which I guess would have been about 13 years ago, I have, as far as I recall, voted in every election whether local or national bar one. Today there are local council elections in England, and elections to the Welsh Assembly and Scottish Parliament. As always, the media seems largely disinterested in the local votes until of course the votes are counted and then the results will be analysed endlessly for the referendum they will be interpreted as on the present government. For me local elections are not about parties or political personalities on the national stage. I vote on the basis of who I feel will provide the best deal for me locally, irrespective of party colour or affiliation. My feelings are different when I am voting in a General Election, when I am naturally guided by the party dimension and who I want to be in power.

I take voting seriously because I feel it is my democratic right as well as my duty to make my choice of candidate at election. It could be argued endlessly whether the choice of candidates is broad enough or representative of my views or aspirations. Politics like everything else in life is about compromise. There will never be one candidate or one party whose views and policies I will entirely agree with. Then there is the apathy factor. I have to admit I was feeling this on my way home, considering whether I could be bothered to go and vote even though the Polling Station is just across the road. I got angry with myself for thinking that. Of course I should vote. My vote is important; it matters. Whether it really matters or has any actual influence of course is an open question but it matters to me, it counts that I have expressed my choice. If any account is taken of that choice or not is perhaps in my view of the process not critically important, it is the fact that I have expressed that choice. I have exercised my rights and I have participated in the democratic process, flawed as it is. Then there is the counter argument I have to that prevailing thought of why should I bother, it will make no difference and it is this: if we all felt like that democracy wouldn't work, we would have anarchy. Besides, it is not about what everyone else does, its about what I do. My actions are important. My choices matter.

An example of how choices matter is demonstrated in this profile on the BBC News web site of Blair's cabinet of 1997. It shows how the choice of a Labour government in 1997 has profoundly shaped our country and all our lives. Those votes that were made by the electorate, myself included, were important. They mattered because they changed the way our country is governed and have led to one of the most intense periods of constitutional reform in modern times. Not least, amongst these changes, devolved power to Scotland and Wales and reform, albeit piecemeal to the House of Lords. The changes spearheaded by Blair's cabinet of 1997 will leave their mark on the UK long after this government is voted out of office. Although the current trend is to judge the Blair government on the disastrous intervention in Iraq I think history will cast a different light. There is much more that Blair's tenure in Downing Street has achieved, as the article reveals.

In short politics matters. We cannot exist in an apolitical environment; no matter how disinterested people claim to be in politics, it shapes and influences their lives. We are all subject to politics and we all do politics because society cannot exist without it. By extension voting matters. It is important, it is our duty and our responsibility to ensure that we make it count.

Another one of those boring posts about trains

Okay, if you're still reading and weren't put off the title, you must either be as much an anorak as me or just curious...but I did warn you!

Last Saturday I went to the Bluebell Railway in East Sussex. I'd been wanting to go for a couple of years but for one reason or another other things have come up and there just hasn't been the opportunity. What convinced me to go was some photos a railway buff friend of mine sent of their visit last summer. Still it has taken me to April this year to find the time and opportunity to go.

The last time I visited the Bluebell was at least 20 years ago, if not longer. I remember little about it to be honest, other than it was a warm sunny day and bits of the station at Horsted Keynes. Don't remember anything of actually going on the train!

The Bluebell, along with the Tallylyn Railway in Wales, were the torch-bearers for the preservation movement. I think I am right in saying that the Bluebell line was first established as a preserved railway in the late 1960s and was the first railway of its kind in the UK. It is currently the only standard gauge heritage line in the country which is entirely steam operated. The line itself represents a typical country branch line of the 1950s/1960s.

I am not certain of this but I understand the Bluebell was part of a through route from East Grinstead to Lewes. The line currently runs for about 8 miles from Sheffield Park via Horsted Keynes to Kingscote, although the line to East Grinstead is currently being relaid and a branch is being built to Ardingly, near Haywards Heath. The link to East Grinstead will presumably provide direct access to the National Rail network. Currently the 'missing link' from East Grinstead to Kingscote is provided by a bus, which runs when the railway is operating.

Kingscote station, like the others on the line, has been lovingly and carefully restored. Posters advertise excursions by 'British Railways' to the coast and period advertising and station furniture add to the feel of stepping back in time. Even the tickets are hand stamped card with a choice between First Class and Third Class. There was no Second or the more politically correct 'Standard' class in those days!

The highlight of any visit to a railway like this is the locomotives and the trains. I am not as knowledgeable about steam locos as I would like to be and unlike modern trains they don't carry class numbers. I can pretty much recognise a Black 5, a 'Terrier', Bullied Pacific, A4 Pacific and a few other types but other than that, I am as lost as the next non-railway person! The two locos in use on my visit were a Class 4 Tank, built at Brighton in 1957 and returned to steam in 2001 and a London Brighton & South Coast Railway Class E4 Radial Tank built in 1898. Btw, I got this info from the Bluebell's excellent web site. Both currently operate in British Railways lined black livery, which I think is rather attractive and would have been a common livery for steam locos in the 1950s and 1960s.

The Bluebell is home to a large collection of ex-Southern Railway locos and there are a number of my favourites on the line - the Bullied Pacifics - both in rebuilt and unrebuilt form. These are attractive looking locos and hauled some of the most prestigious trains of their day like The Pines Express and Bournemouth Belle.

On static display outside the shed at Sheffield Park was this fine looking locomotive, a Maunsell 'U' class loco, 1638. Reading her history on the Bluebell web site reveals that she was for a time based at Fratton depot, Portsmouth until closure in 1959. As you can see the loco has been lovingly restored to full working order and this was completed in 2006, more than 40 years after she was originally withdrawn from service! It took over two decades to restore this loco to full working order and it impresses me that dedicated people like the volunteers at the Bluebell invest such time and money into restoring these magnificent machines. I will be travelling on a train hauled by a similar looking loco to this in June on a steam-hauled excursion to Kent.

I think most people, especially men even if they are not interested in trains generally, have some sort of fascination or are moved by the sight of a steam locomotive. They are probably the most life-like of machines in many ways and I am always excited at the prospect of travelling on a steam-hauled train. There is a certain magic and nostalgia to the experience and an atmosphere too, hearing the loco puffing away, with long trails of smoke billowing into the distance. Wonderful :-)

Next for this year will be visits to both the Mid-Hants & Swanage Railways and hopefully Nene Valley and Severn Valley too. I am hoping that I'll get to do a couple of diesel galas as well as my real passion along with steam is in heritage diesel locomotives, particularly of the 1970s & 80s.

Maybe honesty is the best policy

I had what would probably be a full and frank discussion with my manager today about where I am with my job and where I would like to be. I made it clear that the coming months, were from my point of view at least, a make or break time. There is a restructure (yet again) ongoing at the moment, the outcome of which I may know tomorrow or sometime next week. As always with these things, details seep out before the main announcement and generally what I have heard seems positive and I am keeping a focus on that. But I am also being realistic too. If things don't work out as I anticipate then I am not happy carrying on as now. I can't continue as I am, to put it simply. This was the gist of what I said my manager although of course in a more articulate manner. I think we both came away from the meeting with a clearer understanding of each other and whilst my comments were sincere I am not entirely convinced of the same by my manager's words, no matter how many times he made reference to being sincere. I always find it doubtful when people have to hammer home so carefully what they mean - surely if the meaning is not clear in their words then they don't really mean it? I am not usually so direct and honest but it felt refreshing to be so and to approach the subject of my future at work so directly and head-on.

The coming days and weeks should be interesting as the results of the restructure become clear and I learn how I fit within it. There is, as always with these things, some suggestion that redundancies may occur but I feel that is very unlikely. I am not worrying about that anyway. If it happens to me, it does and I'll deal with it then. I waste too much emotional energy already worrying about the things that I cannot change so there is no point adding redundancy to my list!

Hopefully tomorrow things may become a little clearer and I will have a better focus on the future at work.

Newcastle

I returned yesterday from a 3-day break to Newcastle, my first visit to the North East of England and an enjoyable one too. I'd planned this break back in February feeling that I needed some time away to myself, as well as the holiday with the Groovy Gang in May. Newcastle wasn't my first choice; I was thinking of Bournemouth or somewhere down in the South West but as it happened the Newcastle thing came together. I've had an interest in visiting the city for a while and managed to get cheap train tickets and a bargain stay at the Travelodge - the whole thing - travel and accommodation - for under £100 for 3 nights. In my experience, that is cheap for a stay in the UK! Okay, so the Travelodge is not exactly your 4/5-star luxury experience but it suffices as I used it - simply as a place to sleep and treat as a base. It was comfortable, clean and modern, centrally located and with easy access of the city centre. Not bad at all.

Newcastle itself impressed me. Or should I say NewcastleGateshead as the marketing constantly reminded me! I am a little ashamed to admit that I didn't realise just how close the two centres are - Gateshead is just the other side of the Tyne. When I arrived at Newcastle Central I was in my element. I love old stations and the one at Newcastle, over 150 years old, is a magnificent sight. The scale of the place, like the rest of Newcastle's building, is impressive and it retains a grand station hotel, which was such a common feature of the main termini and important stations of the steam age. Clearly, the station has been modernised but sympathetically such that it is still possible to take in the grandeur of this Grade 1 listed building.

I decided to walk to the Travelodge, having ascertained from the map I had it wouldn't take more than about 15 minutes. So, off I trudged, bag in hand confidently marching in the general direction of the quay. I was struck by how tall the buildings are, and nearer the quay the approaches to the Tyne Bridge, carry the road many stories up in the air across buildings, which themselves, loom ominously to 4 or 5 stories. Everything about Newcastle seems to be on a giant scale. Needless to say I got a little lost, although once I got to the quay I got my bearings and the Travelodge, although not its entrance, was fairly easy to find, tucked away behind the Law Courts.

That afternoon, once I settled in, was spent mostly getting to know the area a little better. I took a walk down along the quay taking pictures of the bridges, particularly the Tyne Bridge, which reminds me of the pictures I've seen of the one in Sydney, Australia. Not quite the same climate in Newcastle unfortunately although each day I was blessed with nearly dawn to dusk sunshine and it was pleasantly warm most of the time. After making my way back to Central Station, I realised that there was a regular bus service that would achieve the same and avoid the tiring and steep walk back up the hill to the city centre. I made much use of the same many times over my short stay.

Later I went to the Gateshead Metro Centre, a sprawling 1980s consumer metropolis of shops, bars, restaurants and leisure facilities. Really, Milton Keynes but on a larger scale. The Metro Centre claims to be the largest shopping and leisure facility in Europe. That seems a little doubtful to me but each of these out of town shopping meccas claims to be the largest and I've done a few of them - Trafford Centre, Meadowhall, Bluewater. On site is an Odeon multiplex, where I saw Mr Bean's Holiday. I laughed like a drain and embarrassingly was laughing at the bits which obviously weren't funny, either that or I was the only one who got the joke! I am sure it wouldn't be so funny on a second viewing and no I am going to justify my choice of film any further.

Tuesday was my favourite day and I had been planning this, at least mentally, for some weeks. I arrived early at the station expecting it to be busy and certain that I would have difficulties getting the ticket I wanted. On both counts I was proved wrong and I set off with my Round Robin ticket via the Settle-Carlisle line for an enjoyable day out.

I decided to do the journey the 'wrong' way round as trains to Newcastle from York are more frequent than they are from Carlisle. My first journey was from Newcastle to Carlisle, a pleasant journey across the top of England, flirting with the borders of Scotland. The train stops at Hexham, from where it is possible to get a bus to Hadrian's Wall, for a reasonable add-on fare. Maybe another time I'll do this. About 90 minutes after leaving Newcastle, the train arrived in Carlisle, the second time I have been to this city in just 6 months. I had a brief stop of around an hour before my next train and the highlight of the day, so I took the opportunity to have a leg-stretch and comfort break. Carlisle is an attractive city and on my previous visit I'd done the Castle and Cathedral. Again, its a handy jumping off point for trips to Hadrian's Wall.

Next train from Carlisle was the service to Leeds, a journey of around 3 hours through some of the most beautiful and wonderful countryside. The route via Settle passes through the Eden and Aire valleys and the line features 17 viaducts and 14 tunnels; Blea Moor Tunnel is reputedly haunted! The most impressive of the viaducts is Ribblehead Viaduct, 24 arches carrying the railway 104 feet above the valley below. It is an iconic location for railway photography, with a beautiful backdrop of rolling hills and the valley it crosses.

If I was doing the journey in the opposite direction, I would be on the descent to Carlisle from the infamous 'long drag' from Settle to Ais Gil Summit. Over the course of about 40 miles the line rises from just under 100 feet above sea level at Settle to 1169 feet above sea level at Ais Gil. The Settle-Carlisle line also features the highest mainline station in England at Dent, which sits an impressive 1150 feet above sea level and must be one of the most isolated and bleak stations on the network (its over 4 miles from the village it serves), appearing to sit precariously on the edge of a deep valley.

I alighted from the train at Settle, for a break of two hours until the next train south. There are about six return passenger journeys on the line each day, about three on Sundays. It seems remarkable to me that in the early 1980s the while line was faced with closure. Most of the intermediate stations had been closed and freight was non-existent. Now, the line is going through something of a renaissance with the passenger services doing well and freight - principally coal and gypsum - a regular feature of the line. The line is also an important Anglo-Scottish diversionary route for passenger trains avoiding the West Coast Main Line; most recently it was used for this purpose following the Virgin Trains derailment at Lambrigg.

Settle is in a lovely bucolic setting and has all the charm of a quintessentially English market town. Only the constant thunder of lorries through this otherwise tranquil setting spoils the notion. Tuesdays is Market Day, which seemed to be doing a brisk trade and I was surprised to note that the town still observes early closing on Wednesdays, something that was once common across many English towns and cities.

After leaving Settle I rejoined the train for the run down to Leeds. The scenery is less attractive in this stretch and it passes through stations of faded splendour, notably Hellifield. Once an important junction, it's usefulness is now far diminished and although efforts have been made at restoration, it has the look of decay and disuse. There are some good views of the Leeds & Liverpool canal and some fascinating glimpses of the Five and Three Rise Locks.

Leeds was just a place to change trains; I've been here before and didn't like it much so decided not too linger. As it was rush-hour, Leeds station was buzzing and I got the first train from there to York.

York, as I am sure I've probably mentioned before, is one of my favourite cities. An ideal place to stop for a few hours, get something to eat and go on a walk up through the Shambles to York Minster, where the intrepid tourists were gathering for the nightly Ghost Walk. I did this once when I stayed in York back in '98 or '99 and it is well worth doing, a lot of fun. Then it was back along part of the city walls to the station to catch my train back to Newcastle.

Wednesday was a little less adventurous. Started off early and got the train to Durham, if I'd been coming the other way about an hour earlier I would have been travelling on the most overcrowded train in the UK! Durham station is situated at the top of a hill, meaning a long walk down and more importantly back up! I stopped here for breakfast before making my way to the Cathedral, which seemed to be up another hill over the other side of the city. The Cathedral was not one of the most impressive I've visited and I object to the fact that there seemed to be entry fees for many things such as going up the tower. I know these grand buildings cost a lot of money to keep going but charging fees, which it seems are mainly designed to catch out foreign tourists, just seems wrong.

After returning to Newcastle, I got an all day ticket for the Metro, bus and ferry and got the Metro to Whitley Bay. This was an invigorating stop, as might be seen from the photo! I love being by the sea and this was my fix for the day!

From Whitley Bay it was back on the Metro for the short trip round to North Shields. I got somewhat lost by rather errant road signs trying to find my way to the ferry. Eventually I found the terminal and took the ferry for the short crossing across the Tyne to South Shields. I imagine that the Tyne was much busier than it is now. There was very little in the way of shipping activity although a DFDS cross-channel ferry was moored up perhaps in between sailings to Scandinavia or Holland. South Shields seemed a little more alive than its neighbour across the Tyne although this clearly is an area of social and economic problems. At South Shields I rejoined the Metro back to Gateshead and managed to get the front seat a few stops into the journey. The Metro is a curious amalgam of heavy and light rail. The stations and routes were clearly once served by conventional rail services before giving way to the Metro. As on the DLR, passengers can sit a the front of the train and thus, in my case at least, have a little flight of fantasy at being the driver! Unlike the DLR, the Metro is driven by a driver, who is locked away in a cab to the left-hand side.

At Gateshead, another change of transport, this time onto a bus for the short journey to the Baltic. This was the only disappointment of my time in Newcastle. The Baltic is a converted flour mill on the banks of the Tyne, which is now home to a modern art gallery. Unfortunately it seems that I chose a bad time to visit - three of its five floors were closed for exhibition change-overs and of the other two, one was partially closed for a refurbishment or something. The highlight as it happened was the stunning views from the fifth floor across the Tyne.

I walked back across the Tyne into Newcastle over the Gateshead Millennium Bridge and then another bus to the city centre. After getting something to eat decided that I should see what was on at the cinema. Saw Sunshine, which I thought was a lot like 2001 and certainly owed something to Alien and Event Horizon.

Yesterday was my return to Milton Keynes but before I left Newcastle, I had to do the one bridge that I hadn't done - the Tyne Bridge. From here there are some great views of Newcastle and Gateshead notably the Baltic and the Sage, plus the other bridges. The Tyne Bridge itself is an impressive structure and it felt even bigger and more impressive walking across it than it did seeing it from underneath.

All in all it was a great few days way. There is a lot that I didn't get the chance to see or do and I would love to go back to Newcastle again. The people were friendly, the city is compact and easy to get about, there is much to do and some wonderful countryside and the coast within easy reach. Maybe next year...

Brief Encounter

I caught the last half-hour or so of Brief Encounter on Film 4 earlier. It was during an idle moment of flicking through TV channels, seeing what was on and I guess I struck lucky with catching the end of one of my favourite films. It is also a film that always makes me cry and true to form I blubbed through every last minute of it. Despite its age, Brief Encounter, I feel is perhaps one of the best if not the best romances of cinema. I know I've said this before but it would be inconceivable that film could be made like this today. It is so quintessentially British, with its reserved, uptight characters with frightfully posh accents and impeccable manners. This though, for me, is what gives Brief Encounter its great pathos and enduring quality. It is the fact that Laura's and Alec's affair is chaste and so dignified that lends such enormous power to every moment of their meeting; those 'special' Thursday afternoons. I am particularly struck by Celia Johnson's portrayal of Laura, a woman in a desperate turmoil, torn between loyalty and her true love. Her restraint is as incredible as it is heartbreaking. This is a woman who so desperately wants to break free but her every moment is a study in self-control and crushing reserve.

The moment that really gets me though, is at the end of the film, when she almost looses it completely and rushes onto the platform with every intention of throwing herself in front of the express. She says something like 'I didn't want to feel anything anymore' and those lines just choke me up every time. The film to me also has a rather sad ending although morally its all very decent and proper; Laura realises the error of her ways and comes back to her worthy but monumentally dull husband. It's a crushing moment, the love of her life has gone and she is back to just the normal, the routine and the hum-drum existence of a housewife.

****

Yesterday was spent down in London, met up with some of the Groovy Gang and had an enjoyable day in the sun walking around London's docklands - the Isle of Dogs, Milwall and Canary Wharf. Later on we went to Excel, mainly to see where the place was and how easy it is to get too as this will be the venue for Star Wars Celebration Europe in July. After watching the Grand National in a cavernous sized pub that would have been almost empty except for us, we made our way to Greenwich, finding another pub and spent an enjoyable part of the evening having a bite to eat, drinks and talking about all manner of things, from Star Wars (thanks to Joe for bringing along a collection of old comics) to the Watergate investigation and the downfall of Nixon's presidency.

The drinks in the pub and the chat is the best thing for me about any meet up we do. I don't often have anyone to unburden my thoughts on or even to share or engage in conversation with others. There are so many things I have buzzing around sometimes, not usually particularly important or striking, that I am glad I have this blog to off-load some of them.

Oh and the other good bit about yesterday was the various journeys made on the DLR, which since I was introduced to it some 6-7 years ago, has always been a favourite railway experience of mine :-)

Choices

The story in today's news about the woman who has lost her appeal to the European Courts to use frozen embryo's fertilised by her ex-partner, have left a feeling of distaste. I am frankly disgusted that a case like this should even have got so far down the legal process, not to mention that I am opposed to any form of artificial fertilisation.

To me, life is precious. It is a gift. We do not have the unequivocal right to grant it nor do we have the right to take it away. All too often I feel that people bring babies into this world with little care or regard for the consequences or responsibilities that creating new life brings. It seems to me that amongst some sections of society, having a baby is the latest designer accessory. It is no longer seen as a gift to be cherished, nurtured and loved.

This case highlights these points I feel. I am disgusted by the idea that life can be created in such a seemingly callous and casual way and discarded with equal flippancy. I find the idea that life is little more than a 'thing' repugnant and morally reprehensible. There is the fact that there is now six possible lives that will never exist. I find that a difficult concept to accept. I cannot agree with life being created and taken away so easily. It is not ours to decide and although I feel sympathy for those who cannot have children naturally, for whatever reason, I do not believe in artificial means of fertilisation.

Yes, it is cruel that some people cannot have children. I am sure it must be a terrible sadness if you want children of your own but can't have them. But those are the cards that have been dealt. That might sound harsh or unkind; it is what I believe. We cannot have exactly what we want or sometimes even what we need. Life is cruel, it is painful and sometimes harsh. Life is also beautiful, wonderful, joyous and amazing.

Moreover, life is full of difficult choices and making sacrifices. Sometimes morality, principles, the care and consideration of others or even a nobler act of doing the best for those we love must come before our own personal happiness. If I was in a position where I was unable to have children and I wanted too, I hope that I would have the courage to accept that. Yes, I would be disappointed and maybe it would always remain a gaping emptiness but I have to be realistic. This is not what has been chosen for me, life is not my gift to provide.

I've made choices about my life and some choices have been made for me. I can't change the fact of who I am; I cannot alter what fundamentally defines me.

I am not motivated by religious beliefs in my thinking on this; perhaps there is some spiritual element to it or a belief that there is a greater design to our world than we can comprehend. What I am trying to get too is the point that we can't have all the things that we want. We make choices. We choose a lifestyle, we choose how we live. Then there are the things that we cannot choose, like our sexuality, the fundamentals that define and make choices for us.

I don't think I am being unduly moralistic or advancing an idea that some people should always be unhappy or deprived of what they want. I personally feel that there are certain things in my life that will always be closed to me. That's because of who I am and the choices I make. Some make me deeply unhappy but I try not to dwell on what is missing; I would rather look at what I have and the positive choices I can make.

It is unlikely that I will ever have children. That is both a choice I have and a decision that has, in some ways, already been made for me. Does it make me unhappy? Yes, sometimes. I feel that I have a moral responsibility as well as a social duty that if I were to have children to provide for them a stable and loving home, to nurture, care for and love them. Can I provide all that? If the answer is no, which it is, then it is not my choice to have children.

This is the other point I am making here or trying to. As I said earlier, some people seem to have children because they're a designer accessory or because they were a 'mistake.' How can anyone though seriously be so foolish as to create life with all its attendant responsibilities and call it a 'mistake?' That to me is an abdication of any sense of moral duty.

So, to come back to my original point, life is not ours to unequivocally provide or take away. It is a serious and profound undertaking. It must be thought through and carefully considered. It cannot be made and then thrown away because it is inconvenient or a 'mistake.' It isn't a choice open to everyone, as I have said. Although I have sympathy for people in that position, that is the way it is. Instead move on to something that can be chosen, a difference that can be made.

Sci-fi catch-up

It's been something of a sci-fi catch up weekend so far. In the last few days I've watched five episodes of Battlestar Galactica Season Three, finished the last couple of episodes of The Day of the Triffids and watched the four episodes of the Dr Who story Resurrection of the Daleks, not to mention the episode from the new series on BBC 1 last night. Of all those mentioned my least favourite was last night's Dr Who. I was bored, I found myself checking my watch a couple of times, glancing anxiously at the Radio Times - when would this finish? Not good. It is all very clever and slick of course and the effects are far superior to what has been seen before but it seems to lack something of the charm and excitement of the earlier episodes of Dr Who. The Doctor himself no longer seems to be a character, more a caricature. I am not sure it is entirely David Tennant's fault as the script is just as much to blame. And the new assistant, Martha Jones, just Rose by another name it seems. I am not impressed with her at all, she seems to me to be a carbon copy of Billy Piper's character and a rather less interesting one too.

One of my main gripes though is that the action always takes place on Earth or so it seems, either the past, present or future and the whole world seems to revolve around London or Cardiff, which is often disguised as the capital. Where is the imagination and adventure in that? Okay, so the other Dr Who I've been watching - Resurrection of the Daleks - is set in London partly but the story is balanced with encounters in deep space and aboard a space station. The budget back in the early 80s must be far less than what it is now, yet I enjoyed these episodes so much more than the current Dr Who. It seems that the new version has become too cocky, too clever and Dr Who is, or at least shouldn't be, that at all.

The Doctor was more of a character back then. Although Peter Davison is not one of the better actors to portray the Doctor, he nevertheless gives the part a certain dignity and believability, something which I feel is absent from Tennant's portrayal. The scripts were not as sharp but they worked and the story-telling was first rate. All round the characters are more engaging and interesting.

Much the same could be said for The Day of the Triffids. This was a lot better than I expected and it owes a lot to its well chosen cast, a fine script and chilling music. The Triffids do not appear to be much of a threat although considering the budget and technical constraints of the time, they are reasonably effective. Moreover, its the story and the characters, which are particularly strong and make this series work as a sci-fi drama.

Another excellent sci-fi drama is Battlestar Galactica, a show that is always going to dark places and unsettling its audience. It is audacious, bold and gripping, just what good sci-fi should be. I can't sing the praises of this series enough, its just the best thing on TV at the moment. The series is now into its third season and is just hitting its stride. The shift in focus at the beginning of the series and concentration on the cylons has seen a series of stunning revelations, exceptional episodes and first-rate drama. It feels very real, very human and I like the fact that its characters are flawed and vulnerable. So often it has shown how there is more to the fight between humans and cylons than simply good and evil or right and wrong. There are terrible acts perpetrated on both sides and sometimes it is necessary to do evil things to preserve freedom.

I think that sci-fi should be like that. It should challenge our view of the world, our morality and beliefs. It should make us evaluate what being human means and as stated in one of the episodes of Battlestar Galactica it is not enough to survive, we have to earn the right to survive. Indeed, sci-fi for me should have an important message to convey about our contemporary world. Although it maybe set in a time or place far removed from our own, good sci-fi is about holding a mirror to ourselves.

What's my motivation?

That's what I am wondering at the moment. Work is still crap, monumentally boring days of the same dull repetitive processing applications one after another. This is not what I signed up for and its not stretching or challenging me in anyway. In fact I get so bored that I loose interest in what I do. I am sure I've made some silly mistakes but nobody seems to care, nothing gets checked, nobody can be bothered or has any time to be, so why should I? Its bad, I know. I am getting into a negative and corrosive mind-set, which isn't going to shift by me moping about at work all day, moaning about how rubbish it is. I suppose I should be looking for a new job but it all seems like a lot more hassle and I feel tired and fed up with work without thinking about doing something else.

Then there's my OU course, which I am finding just as much a struggle. An essay that should have been finished last week has been barely started. I never find writing essays easy. I struggle with the words, I am always unhappy with the end result even if I get good marks because I focus on what I should have done differently and better rather than what I did well. I find it a drag but know that I must get it finished by this weekend. Most importantly if I don't I miss the extended deadline and will fail the course. Secondly, I don't fancy spending the whole of Easter hammering out an essay that is driving me mad as it is.

As a result of feeling fed up and bored I've been over-eating. I shocked myself when I thought back on what I ate on Monday. In fact by the time I had my dinner I felt so bloated that I thought I was going to be sick. I've not felt completely well since and I am sure it is because of all the junk I am eating at the moment. It is just comfort food, although stuffing myself with food like that is just stupid. It shocks me just what a fine line it is between being perfectly normal and happy and loosing all control and being completely stupid.

Maybe as a result of all this, I've not been sleeping well, having some really bad dreams over the last couple of nights. I hesitate to call them nightmares although there have been occasions when I've woken absolutely terrified convinced that something awful has happened. I don't remember much about them afterwards, just an unpleasant and unnerving feeling.

I am hoping that the Easter break and my few days away the following week will help me to relax and get out of this negative cycle. If nothing else it'll give me some time to reflect and perhaps decide what I want to do going forward.

Looking ahead

There is lots of things I am looking forward to this year, many things and places I want to do or visit. Sometimes, when I am feeling down it helps to keep a focus on the future and the things that are ahead. This year or at least the coming months are particularly busy. Most of all I am looking forward to the holiday with friends in May. We're not going that far (at least not for me) taking a canal boat holiday for a week on the Grand Union Canal. We're starting out from Leighton Buzzard and I believe the plan is to head north, back through Milton Keynes and up through Northamptonshire and into Warwickshire and maybe even as far as Birmingham. The only limit really is time because we have to be back to return the boat early on the following Saturday morning. I am really looking forward to it though, it should be a lot of fun.

This will be the second holiday that I've done the friends, the first in May 2005 saw us staying at a lovely cottage in Derbyshire. The countryside was quite stunning and although the weather didn't quite match that everyday, it was nevertheless a very enjoyable break.

Before the canal holiday in May I am taking a mid-week break in April to Newcastle for a few days. I've long wanted to visit the North East of England. Plans at present are to do a round robin train trip from Newcastle via Hexham to Carlisle and then over the Settle line down to Leeds before heading back to Newcastle via York. I am really excited about this trip because doing the Settle-Carlisle Line has been an ambition of mine since I read about it as a kid. It always seemed such a far away place but of course as an adult nowhere is really that far, its only money and time that limits your ambitions! I am also planning to do a visit to Durham and of course seeing the sights of Newcastle and Gateshead. Whether I'll get to do much else depends on what I can fit in. Whatever, its going to be a busy few days.

Staying with the theme of trains, I am doing a rail tour in June, which much like the Settle-Carlisle trip fills another ambition for me. This tour is from London Victoria to Folkestone Harbour and back via the Kent Coast, stopping off in Canterbury on the return leg for a few hours. The really exciting part about this tour is that it will be steam hauled with recently restored Southern Railway loco 'Lord Nelson' booked to haul the train.

In July there is another rail tour that I would consider if not for the early start and the fact that it runs on a Sunday. Getting to London for the 9.30am start is just not feasible although I do intend to 'chase' the train down to Eastleigh and Bournemouth. This one is also a steam hauled excursion from Waterloo with Merchant Navy Pacific 'Clan Line' providing the power, another ex-Southern Railway loco. I hope to meet the train at Eastleigh where it will call for a water stop and head on down to Bournemouth to get some photographs of the train.

The reason for these two steam hauled excursions is that July 2007 is the fortieth anniversary of the end of steam on British Rail as the last steam locomotives were withdrawn from the Southern Region (as it was then).

Also in July I am going to Star Wars Celebration Europe in London. This should be a memorable weekend and perhaps one of the highlights of the year. It's appropriate that this should be happening this year as of course 2007 also marks the thirtieth anniversary of Star Wars. I have my fingers crossed that I could be really lucky and shake hands or at least come close to Mr Lucas himself, now that would really top everything else this year, no question!

I've got a feeling 2007 could be a really good year!

Saturday

A wonderful album I bought last week from Amazon is Voices of the Valley from the The Fron Male Voice Choir. Although some of the tracks are sung in Welsh, the majority are in English with some truly magnificent performances of Sailing, Abide with Me, Jerusalem, and World in Union. I first heard a piece from this album on Alan Titchmarsh's Sunday evening programme on Radio 2 about a month ago and thought how good it sounded and I've always liked listening to choirs and music for massed voices.

On the subject of choirs, Five showed a follow up programme last Wednesday on The Singing Estate. The original series was a brilliant idea, forming a choir from the residents of the deprived Blackbird Leys estate in Oxford. Almost none of the choir members had done any public singing before and for the most part were complete novices. Over the course of the series, their transformation into a choir of professional standards was amazing. I was fortunate to see them perform for the first time live at the Royal Albert Hall last April in a Classic FM concert. At that concert the choir gave a stirring and for them at least, an emotional performance of O'Fortuna from Carmina Burana. The programme last week was a follow-up to what had happened to the choir since and for the most part the stories were positive and uplifting. The experience had given some hope and inspiration to do something positive, for others it led them to evaluate their lives and find renewed purpose. All in all, it showed that music and particularly singing, are extremely important in all our lives and can define and express our identities.

Last week I finished reading The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst. An interesting novel that is on one level a savage satire on the hedonism and greed of the 80s and on another a thoughtful and moving reflection on love and growing up. The central character, Nick Guest, I came to despise by the end. For me, he was altogether too charming, wonderfully handsome and self-absorbed. His central pursuit is that of beauty, wherever he goes and in everything that he experiences. He is very much the cuckoo in the nest of the Fedden's home, the family he becomes a part of and it is clear by the end of the novel that Nick really doesn't belong, ultimately the dark secret of his own homosexuality bringing shame and embarrassment on his adopted family.

While Hollinghurst's novel mixes satire and darkly comic moments against a vivid backdrop of grandeur and opulence, its abiding memory for me is the insidiousness of Nick. I felt that despite all his charms and assured confidence, that he is a self-destructive and vain character, largely reflecting Thatcher's Britain.

The BBC adapted the novel for a three-part series in 2006 and have a mini-site guide to the series here.

Currently I am reading All the President's Men and will probably follow that up with its sequel The Final Days, both books charting the Watergate break-in and cover-up that led to the downfall of President Nixon.

What kind of week has it been?

Well the night out with work colleagues on Wednesday went a lot better than I expected. I rather enjoyed myself and it was a good humoured and pleasant way to relax over a few beers (or Magners in my case!) and some nice grub. Maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental in future! Yesterday was another work's bash, this time a lunch for one of my colleagues who retired today after 34 or 35 years service with the company. Quite an incredible longevity of service, especially the way things are going and I can only imagine what is changed in that time. I've only done 13 years and the changes I've seen are immense.

Today has been a quiet day at home as I had Sky TV installed this afternoon :-) Been spending a lot of the afternoon channel-hopping and getting used to all these new channels now on offer, although admittedly some of them I am never likely to watch - can't see myself tuning in to the God Channel or all those mindless shopping channels either! My decision to get Sky was really made when Virgin dropped Sky One from their cable service and so went my opportunity to watch new episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Fortunately, Sky One are having a catch up weekend over Easter so I will get to see all the episodes that I've missed. Not only that but the quality of the picture and sound on cable is terrible compared to the clarity of both sound and picture on Sky. It really does make a huge difference.

I've been doing a fair amount of bidding on eBay over the last couple of weeks and selling stuff too. Sold my West Wing individual series DVD's, some books and other similar items, which frankly were just beginning to gather dust. One of my little collecting pursuits at the moment is old railway timetables, both the public ones and the Working Time Tables. The latter are particularly interesting, for a railway buff like me, as these are the timetables used within the rail industry. They're certainly not for the casual interest as they provide complex details about every train that is scheduled to run within a particular area, things like the reporting number, traction type, timing at junctions as well as main calling points, freight and parcels movements, empty stock movements etc. What they do provide is a glimpse at how the railways are run and how they have evolved over the years.

The public timetables are also fascinating - I've recently bought a couple from the early 1970s, one for the Eastern Region covering the East Coast Main Line and mainlines from Liverpool Street and Fenchurch Street into East Anglia and a Southern Region table covering services radiating from Waterloo, Victoria and the Kent Coast termini. What they reveal is just what an enormous and complex system British Rail operated, not just covering trains but also hotels and shipping services - both conventional car ferries and hovercraft - under its Sealink and Seaspeed brands. I recall fondly the Sealink ships that plied the Channel from Portsmouth and across to the Isle of Wight, with their red and black funnels with white BR logo. In addition there are many train services that have since disappeared such as the Motorail service, where you could take your car with you on the train! The cars were loaded onto special trailers at the point of departure and unloaded again when you reached your destination; passengers travelling in standard coaches of the time. Also gone are the through boat trains via Dover and the extensive network of sleeper services to North of England and South Wales. All that remains of the latter is the Caledonian Sleeper from Euston and the Night Riveria from Paddington. And this was the age of local hauled services. Although the Southern Region had converted to multiple unit operation long before the 70s, key trains remained loco hauled, such as the Waterloo to Exeter service. Nowadays the only scheduled loco hauled passenger trains operate on the East Coast Mainline and on services operated by 'one' to Norwich, plus a handful on the West Coast Mainline.

Even station names have changed as the marketing men have had their way. As examples, gone are Portslade & West Hove (now Portslade), Reading General (shortened to just Reading) Tunbridge Wells Central (Tunbridge Wells) , whilst since closed are Holborn Viaduct, Tunbridge Wells West (now part of the Spa Valley Railway), Dover Marine and the through route between Winchester and Alton (although the timetable warns that this service is likely to be closed, which it was! The line between Alresford and Alton is part of the Mid Hants Railway).

Rather confusingly back then weekdays, sometimes included Saturdays as well, with virtually the same service pattern operating six days a week. Sundays were the only day when intending passengers were warned that engineering works may disrupt their journey. How different from today!

Tomorrow I am having another quiet day, especially after my last two weekends seeing me travelling 'up'north.' Easter looks like it could be a quiet one too as thanks to the blockade of the West Coast Main Line between Northampton and Hemel Hempstead, it is the interminable rail replacement service in operation again. At least, I can actually see something happening with all the attention being given to Milton Keynes Central at the moment, where Network Rail are building two new platforms. And a Rugby, where again additional platforms are being built. All this is part of plans for a new timetable being introduced from December 2008, which if it delivers what it promises will see significant enhancements to services along the West Coast Main Line.

Anyhows, so what kind of week has it been? Not bad at all methinks.

Tuesday

I am beginning to dread the thought of tomorrow night as we have agreed to going to the pub for a few drinks after work. The purpose ostensibly is so everyone can relax after all the crap we've been going through recently. Personally I feel it'll more likely be an excuse for some people to get drunk. Not my idea of a fun way to spend an evening, watching my colleagues get themselves drunk. I've never particularly enjoyed drinking heavily, even less so in the company of others. I had a few experiences when I was at college when I'd had too much to drink and I don't hold my drink well. Alcohol inevitably makes me depressed and withdrawn and a rather pathetic creature all round I think. I often regret the things that I do or say when I've had a few too many. Most people probably think its fun to get drunk and do silly things, I don't. Maybe its because I am too self-controlled to ever let myself completely go. I always need to feel in control and I feel bitterly the shame of being stupid or pathetic.

Its not only the pressure to guzzle as many pints of alcohol that puts me off, its the laddish behaviour that goes with it and the depressing thought that most of the evening will probably be spent talking about work or football. I feel inadequate in such discussions and I am envious of men who can strike up lucid conversations on football or any sport, as I could barely string together two intelligent words to say on the subject.

The last two times I've been out on a work's event I've spent the latter part of the evening being lectured too by a well meaning colleague on how to find love! I hate these presumptuous and pretentious 'buddy' talks as much as anything. I don't need anyone's advice on matters of the heart, I'll find my own way thank you and if I want to be single maybe there is a reason for that and maybe, just maybe I don't want to talk about it. End of.

And then of course there are the confessions that come out when people have had a few. The things that I've learnt about the people I work with that I had no wish to know, that will forever colour the way I see them. I would be ashamed by such personal revelations. I've never felt comfortable about talking about what I consider my private life, because frankly it's private. It is my business and nobody else's and I don't want to hear about everyone else's sordid little secrets. Whatever happened to pride and dignity?

Normally at the end of these evenings I feel a vague sense of disappointment and emptiness. But to not go would invite its own cross-examination of why not and I believe would lead to a degree of ostracising from the team. Already my refusal to come to the pub on a Friday lunchtime is beginning to put up a barrier. Why is it so important anyway?

So I will go tomorrow, because to not be there as I say would warrant its own inquest. All I can hope is that I can extricate myself before I get to the point where boredom has given way to deep misgivings about why I am there and certainly before another well meaning 'buddy' talk.

Liverpool

I had a fab day yesterday in Liverpool, the highlight being a visit to the city's two cathedrals, both magnificent examples of modern architecture. The Liverpool Anglican Cathedral is the second largest in the world and is an impressive, dominating structure, which commands a superior position over the city. It is described in the guides and the brochure as 'The Great Space' and it is clear why on stepping inside. Awesome, is maybe an overused superlative but there is not one better to describe entering the cathedral, an extraordinary building in terms of its sheer scale and design. What I found remarkable is that Liverpool Cathedral is a relatively new building, only being completed and finally dedicated in 1978; construction began in 1904. It is a marvel from both outside and within, an incredible symbol of faith and courage.

At the time of my visit a service of penitence was underway, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Abolition of Slavery Act. I joined the congregation for the remaining part of the service, which was moving and also wonderfully uplifting and joyful particularly the gospel choir who raised their voices as the procession of Bishops, clergy and civic dignitaries made their way down the cathedral and out the great door, for the walk to the Albert Dock, where a further service was taking place.

Once the service had finished, I had time to explore this magnificent cathedral and admire, almost mouth agape at is enormity and beauty.

Next stop was the the Roman Catholic Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ the King, which is about a 10-minute walk or so from the Anglican Cathedral. It took me a good deal longer as I was stopping all the time to look at the fine buildings on the way. I hadn't noticed before just what an architecturally fine city Liverpool is. Previously I'd been to the Albert Dock and the Pier Head, with is three 'graces', the Liver Building, the Port of Liverpool and Cunard buildings. But as I discovered on my wanderings yesterday, Liverpool is blessed with a rich and varied collection of extremely fine and attractive buildings.

The Roman Catholic cathedral I was expecting to be something of an anti-climax after the magnificence of the Anglican cathedral. Again, it is a modern structure, intriguingly circular in shape and topped with a lantern that contains the largest stain glass window in the world. The Metropolitan Cathedral, as I was reading, had a troubled history and the present one, is the fourth to be contemplated or built on the site. There were grand plans in the 1930s to build a cathedral that in terms of scale and ambition would have been enormous, rising to 520 feet! However all that was ever built was the crypt, which is incorporated into the more modern building. Unfortunately this was closed at the time of my visit, however the main building itself is impressive. The graceful flight of steps leading to the entrance was only completed in the last 3-4 years with the main cathedral completed and consecrated in 1967.

Both externally and internally it is a striking building, full of light, which is effectively used to create a bright and happy atmosphere. In many ways it reminds me of the new Coventry cathedral, in its light and airy feel. Around the main area of the cathedral are a series of smaller chapels and the baptistery and some rather gruesome sculptures for each of the fourteen stations of the cross.

It is a magnificent building and feels every bit as important and remarkable as its Anglican counterpart. This is a view of the impressive organ and gives and impression of how light is used to dramatic effect within the cathedral:

Yesterday has whetted my appetite for a return visit to Liverpool before too long and reminds me of how many treasures and delights there are to be found in the UK. I often don't understand why people want to travel abroad for their holidays when there is so much in terms of magnificent buildings, beautiful places and inspiring things to do here!

Thursday

I am thinking of going to Liverpool at the weekend, especially as I have tickets on the train to Crewe again for Saturday. I've only been to Liverpool once and that was about 5 years ago and I seem to remember the Maritime Museum is rather good and of course, no visit to Merseyside is complete without a trip on the ferry across the Mersey! Yeah, that sounds rather good. Might even treat myself to First Class on the way back as its a bargain of about £10 or £15 on Virgin at weekends. Admittedly you don't get much for that - normally as much tea, coffee or water as you can drink and an unlimited supply of biscuits but First Class on a Pendolino is immensely nicer than Standard. Plenty more leg room, space to spread out and its quieter too. Mmmm sounds like a nice way to spend Saturday.

My weekends at the moment are about the only thing that is keeping me sane. Work is interminably boring because I really don't feel stretched or challenged in my current job. Really I am doing nothing more than an admin clerk's role and I am capable of much more than that. Not only do I find it boring, nearly everything I deal with is a complaint or almost always inexplicably urgent. So the tedium is measured by the hassle everything is to deal with, not because its complicated but because so many mistakes have been made on the case before I even get to handle it. At first it bothered me, I was getting really fed up and depressed about it. Now, I really couldn't care. Today for example, I got into work about 9.10, left at 5, had an hour for lunch and made no effort to do anything more than I wanted to do. I just feel disengaged and demotivated and nobody appears to notice. Indeed I made the comment today that it would be perfectly possible to slip away from the office for a couple of hours and no one would notice that I'd gone.

There is always the promise that things will get better and maybe they will but whether that will be soon enough remains to be seen. For now, I am practically on auto-pilot, just getting through each day as it comes, counting the days to the next weekend.

I sent out one of my soap box ranting e-mails yesterday evening. I am sure the friends on my distribution list must tire of seeing another one of these plop into their inbox. In fact I am quite certain that if I am not careful, I'll soon end up on a spam filter with my messages condemned to the trash can of cyberspace. I was having a rant about the lack of objectivity I consider there to be in news reporting today and my annoyance with the way everything is dumbed-down and spoon-fed to the audience. I find it patronising and more worryingly I do begin to believe that most people don't care. They are happy to accept unquestioningly whatever half-baked truths and hyperbole is dished up in the paper or on the news. A prime example of this was today's headline on the front page of The Sun - 'Reasons 2p Cheerful' - which seems to have completely missed the point that the Budget was tax neutral. It also fails to mention that the 10p starting rate of tax was abolished meaning that those that will benefit most are middle-income earners, whilst the poor are worse off. Strange idea that a party that is supposed to be socialist, is penalising the poor! And it worries me that all people will remember is the headlines.

My box set of The West Wing arrived a couple of days ago and I must say it is a lovely set, surprisingly compact. One of the disappointments is that the booklets, which were included with the individual series box sets are dispensed with. Each series is presented on six discs in slimline cases with the episode details on the covers. In addition to all seven seasons, there is a two disc presentation of extras, which I have started watching. These are quite interesting and give some background to the development of the series. All in all a worthwhile investment I feel and with 112 hours of top quality TV to watch, its going to keep me busy for a while!

Weekend and stuff

I had a good time in Crewe, no seriously don't snigger, there are worse places to spend a Saturday believe me - I've experienced some of them! The boring bits of the day were really the two meetings I attended - some dull bits about rule changes and new wording to the Society's constitution that we had to discuss but once that was out of the way, it got a lot more interesting. Although I am sorry to note that my post on Friday seemed to so disturb Jamie! I was thinking on Saturday whether I should start a separate blog, one that is completely dedicated to my love of railways and my other 'anorak' pursuits. That why at least I won't cause any embarrassment or distress to Jamie by mentioning the 'r' word over here! I guess the truth is that if you simply see trains as a necessary evil (and I am sure some people really think they are evil) form of transport, then reading me banging on about it, must be about as exciting as watching paint dry, probably slightly less so in fact. I can accept that so maybe I will invest in a new blog and put a discreet link on here to there. Then if you want to take a sneaky look at what I get up to some weekends you can and do so without fear of embarrassment! Of course, if all this talk of railways is a complete turn off then you can stick here and listen to me bang on about something much more interesting, like Star Wars!

Tried to book my tickets for Celebration Europe earlier this evening but the web site through which said tickets can be purchased is not available. That is quite worrying because you would think that an on-line ticket vendor would have a web site that was robust and available at all times. Even worse, some feedback on this particular web site, which I will not name, was far from positive. In fact I'd say it was rather derogatory which does not inspire much confidence in the idea of buying my ticket in advance, especially when reading horror stories of people having booked tickets and then being told the day before their intended gig or whatever that tickets have been cancelled due to some arcane admin reason. So it looks like I could be buying the tickets on the day. The only problem with that of course is that probably everyone else will have the same idea and I have these visions of queuing for hours on end.

I bought myself a new toy yesterday. A treat to myself paid from part of my bonus and pay rise at work. Its a Toshiba combi-DVD/video recorder with a HDD. It's a lovely sleek black design and gives a brilliant picture. I was quite struck by how much sharper my TV reception is not to mention the quality of the recordings on to DVD and the HDD. Okay, its not multi-region, which would have been an advantage but then I've lasted this long without a multi-region player and I see little reason to change. Additionally, I could have gone for a player that was compatible with HD (High Definition) but as I don't have a HD TV and have no intention of getting one for the foreseeable future this wasn't a primary concern. Moreover, there are currently two competing formats for HD and it is by no means clear which will be the victor and I don't want to be on the losing side of the modern Betamax vs VHS debate. What I really wanted this machine for was the ability to record onto DVD's and also to be able to copy from VHS to DVD, which I spent an enjoyable few hours doing yesterday afternoon. I've started copying my Star Wars programmes that I've recorded over the last 10 years and was surprised by the number I have on VHS. The first DVD I've made (its not complete yet) will basically be all the little snippets and adverts that I've got. I then intend to do a second and possibly third DVD with the documentaries on, which are wide and varied. There is something from each of the three prequels and also some Special Edition stuff I recorded back in 1997. Its interesting to watch again particularly listening to George Lucas as he constantly re-writes Star Wars history!

I am really chuffed with my new toy and I went for Toshiba because that's the make of my TV, which I've found both excellent in terms of quality and design and its ease of use. The DVD/VHS player is going to take a little bit of getting used to using but I think I was getting the hang of it by the end of yesterday.

Another little treat has been buying the complete series box set of The West Wing. I am waiting for that to be delivered at the moment. Again, a pleasing purchase because I got it at something of a bargain price and it comes with two discs of extras, something which was mostly absent from the individual season box sets.

So looks like I am going to be spending a lot of time in front of the TV over the next few weeks!

'Oh! Mr Porter, what shall I do,

I wanted to go to Reading, and they've taken me on to Crewe...'

Hah! The dawning realisation that came on me on Wednesday night when I realised that I had booked my train tickets to Crewe for the wrong weekend. Doh! Me, the smug one when it comes to the railways got it so completely wrong that instead of going to Reading tomorrow, which was the plan to attend my OU tutorial, is now heading to Crewe instead! And again next weekend...

Not that Crewe I am sure is a bad place. I hardly know it and the only occasion that I ventured beyond the station was a couple of years ago and that was only to visit The Railway Age. Yep, a railway museum, which is sited adjacent to the main lines into and out of Crewe. I remember it vividly for two reasons. Firstly, it has a preserved partial set of the Advanced Passenger Train, that ill-fated British Rail experimental train from the early 1980s, which arrived with a blaze of publicity and left in the rather ignominious glare of failure. The tilt just didn't work properly and it is with considerable irony that the technology that failed to be perfected in the APT, would later be incorporated in the Pendolino, which to add insult to injury runs regularly past the rusting hulk of the last APT! The second thing I remember about the day was being shown around one of the signal boxes, which if I remember correctly had been reassembled on site in full working order from Exeter. Two gentlemen, both clearly retired showed me how it worked. One disappeared off somewhere to pretend to be the signalman in the next 'box up the line, while the other stayed to show how the equipment in a manual 'box, with its awesome frame of levers, actually worked. It was fabulous experience and with the 'box being situated next to one of the lines out of Crewe, it was possible to suspend disbelief and accept that all the frantic pulling of levers, bells and klaxons had some relation to the real world railway activity outside the window.

I digress. So what am I doing in Crewe anyway? Well, rather embarrassingly considering my buying rail tickets for the wrong weekend and perhaps aptly, I am there attending the AGM of one of the railway groups I belong to. I am also an official of the society so I have to present a report to the meeting on my activities over the last year, stand for and hopefully be re-elected to my post as the Web Site Manager. This is the first AGM I've attended, having missed the previous two due to other engagements. I am a little nervous about doing the presentation but I am sure it will be fine and I am not exactly expecting an audience of hundreds!

So that's tomorrow. And then of course because I originally booked my tickets for the following weekend, I am going to Crewe again! However current plan for next weekend is to head on up to Liverpool, which is about 35-45 minutes out from Crewe and have a day there. Mind you if I do get to see any of Crewe itself tomorrow I might be endeared enough to spend time there next Saturday but I doubt it. Crewe after all is synonymous with the railway, it exists and grew to support the railway works and I doubt there is much else to commend it. The railway works have long gone although there is still maintenance and repair work undertaken at Crewe but one of the most depressing sights is the sidings crammed with withdrawn and condemned locomotives and rolling stock. Its a sorry sight, with many of the locos and carriages daubed in graffiti or showing the ravages of cannibalisation and vandalism. Mind you that's much like Crewe station as I remember it! A grand, sprawling station that looks as if it hasn't seen a touch of care for the last twenty odd years.

Ah well, I guess I will be seeing a lot of Crewe over the next couple of weeks...

A thoughtful weekend

This weekend just past was a rarity being one where I had absolutely nothing planned. Normally my weekends are filled with things to do, places to go, people to see. Not that I am complaining. Weekends are my time and I like to lots of things and enjoying getting out and going to different places. I had briefly entertained the thought of going to work on Saturday morning for a few hours overtime but sometimes the money just isn't enough. Dragging myself into the office for five days a week at the moment is sapping what is left of my motivation.

So I spent Saturday and Sunday mainly catching up on DVD's that I've been meaning to watch plus listening to the radio and catching a fascinating and disturbing documentary on BBC 2 last night and a little studying on Sunday morning, although really I should have devoted more of my time to this.

I am working my way through Season Five of The West Wing on DVD currently and it is perhaps the most uneven of the series so far, although still fantastic and gripping drama. This series' focus on CJ Cregg, the White House Press Secretary (played by the wonderful Alison Janney) is pleasing as she is my favourite character of the ensemble. I am attracted to intelligent, beautiful and powerful women, well who wouldn't be?! Hence my crush on Gillian Anderson in The X-Files and rather embarrassingly my one time fascination with Kate Mulgrew as Captain Janeway in Star Trek: Voyager.

Anyhows back to The West Wing generally. As I mentioned this season is a little uneven and one of my main criticisms is how the story always seems to be neatly wrapped up within an episode or three or four at most. There does not appear to be any clear story arcs that continue across the whole series, which gives the impression that no matter what crisis emerges, there is certainly it will settled within the 45 minute duration of the show. I guess this is to appeal to an attention-deficit suffering American audience but I feel it emasculates the drama.

One of the episodes I watched, The Warfare of Genghis Khan, was particularly interesting, dealing with the controversial issue of nuclear weapons. As the episode opens, The White House learns of a secret nuclear test undertaken off Indonesia, immediately sparking concerns that a new nuclear power has emerged. All the fingers start pointing to Iran and as the President orders B52 bombers into the air, the tension ratchets up as it appears the United States is sliding into a possible nuclear conflagration. Needless to say all is resolved by the end of the episode although there are some interesting points made about America's decision to take unilateral action, bypassing the United Nations and an incisive questioning of America's moral high ground. As the Israeli Prime Minister pointedly says to President Bartlett, America is the only nation that has used nuclear weapons aggressively against another nation yet it seeks to dictate who else can and cannot have access to these terrible weapons of mass destruction.

This episode by coincidence segued nicely into a debate I heard on The Moral Maze on BBC Radio 4 on Saturday which was debating whether Britain should renew its nuclear deterrent. I am undecided on the issue and I would like to be convinced that the need for nuclear arms is rendered unnecessary since the end of the Cold War. Unfortunately one of the main witnesses arguing against renewal of the deterrent did more to undo her argument than advance it. She prevaricated on most of the direct questions and dodged anything that didn't fit her narrow line that nuclear weapons were bad and therefore we shouldn't have them and that by leading by example other countries would disarm or not seek to obtain nuclear weapons. The latter seems to be hopeless wishful thinking. Morally, I find it difficult to justify why countries like Britain and America should hold a nuclear deterrent, while other countries should not. When it comes to countries like Iran I feel strongly that they should not be allowed to arm themselves with such weapons but what is my justification for arguing that? Is it because I feel that Iran is a dangerous and belligerent country? After all, returning to the point made in The West Wing, the United States is the only country so far to have deployed nuclear weapons offensively. What gives the West the moral majority in deciding these matters and who are we to say what is rational when our governments have acted in the past in ways which are both reprehensible and irrational at the cost of tens of thousands of lives?

Saturday evening I watched one of my favourite films of 2006, The History Boys. It is based on the extremely successful play by Alan Bennett, set at a Grammar school in northern England during the early 80s, although the film was mostly shot around Watford! Its an odd film. On the one level its a comedy, on another it makes some deep and profound statements on homosexuality and the pains of growing up. Its weaknesses are that on occasion it tries to be too clever, the dialogue sounds just like it has come from the mouth of Alan Bennett rather than reflecting the individual characters and it doesn't feel much like it is taking place in the 80s either; it all feels rather fresh and current. At times The History Boys is very funny but never far from a scene of painful sadness and pathos by the bucket load.

Also watched over the weekend and on a completely different note, was The Day of the Triffids, the 1980s BBC adaptation of John Wyndham's novel. I've seen three episodes so far and I am impressed. I didn't think I would be but everything about each episode from the spooky and strange opening titles and music to the inevitable cliff-hanger strikes a perfect tone. The Triffids themselves are menacing and while the special effects budget was clearly limited, they are still effective thanks to some clever camera work. I am looking forward to watching the rest over the coming week.

Finally. I finished the weekend off watching The Trap: Whatever Happened to Our Dreams of Freedom on BBC 2 last night. This was the first of a new three part series from Adam Curtis, who was responsible for the excellent The Power of Nightmares. The Trap is similar in style, with often weird and disturbing images that seem to flash by accompanied by moody music. It has the feeling of some mind control experiment! Difficult to fault is Curtis' measured and authoritative commentary and it is genuinely chilling as he unravels that our modern day concepts of freedom are based on Cold War Game Theory. This is a rather bleak and negative view of human behaviour based on the assumption that everyone acts in their own self-interest. Game Theory is based on the idea of a society solely made up of self-interested individuals with no place for altruism and worryingly it has shaped for example the reforms of the National Health Service during Thatcher's government in the 80s. It was all rather depressing, that our idea of freedom comes from an era or paranoia and mistrust and that rather than being freer we have actually become enslaved to these negative conceptions of human behaviour. Fascinating stuff and will definitely be watching the next two parts.

The last two weeks

I finished reading Richard Reeves' biography of the presidency of Richard Nixon last week. The book, which is a weighty volume, ends rather abruptly, skimming over the tragic collapse of Nixon's presidency. It is tragic, however you consider it. A man, who considered himself the architect of his times being undone by a third rate burglary and the cover-up that followed. In some of the final desperate moments, Reeves' explores Nixon's retreat to Camp David, where the President broke down and confessed that he had prayed to God each night, hoping that he would not wake the following morning. There was apparently genuine concern that in those final days Nixon would attempt to commit suicide. That seems unlikely considering Nixon's indomitable spirit but there was no question that by the end, Nixon was a broken man. Similarly, the presidency and the wider government became paralysed by Watergate. During Nixon's tenure he had steadily and purposefully drawn more and more power to the White House, giving alarm at the rise of what was characterised as an 'imperialist' administration.

What struck me most about Reeves' book was that there were two Nixon's in the White House. The private Nixon, a man who was a sad drunk, self-loathing and with an insane capacity for self-destruction. This was a man who preferred to be on his own, who found it painfully difficult to make small talk, was deeply suspicious of those around him and trust virtually no one. The private Nixon was also a foul-mouthed anti-Semite; bigoted and racist. The other Nixon, the public face, was delusional and corrupted by power but a clever and manipulative orator too. It is often forgotten that in 1972 Nixon was re-elected by the biggest majority in US history and enjoyed the triumph of historic visits to China and Russia and achieving 'peace with honour' in Vietnam. The latter though underlines the stark contrast between the public presentation and reality. The reality was that the Nixon administration betrayed the South Vietnamese and there was really no peace with honour; it was a humiliating retreat.

There is on the face of it so much to loathe about Nixon and little to admire or respect. I've always been fascinated by Nixon and although Reeves' book gives a dramatic insight into the Nixon administration, it doesn't really get to an understanding of who Nixon was. This I guess is what is so fascinating; Nixon was a complete enigma and I doubt that he even fully understood who he was himself. Nixon was a craftsman at deception and obfuscation, often rewriting his own history to suit a purpose.

Currently I am reading The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollingsworth, which was dramatised last year on BBC Two. Needless to say the novel is far superior, with its delicious sentences that evoke a sense of the 1980s being a beautiful time solely populated by beautiful people. I'll share my more detailed thoughts when I've finished the book.

The weekend before last I was in London to meet with friends and as is traditional with these meets, we went to the cinema. The chosen film, The Good Shepherd, was interminably long and densely boring in places. I had expected that I would have enjoyed this but I found the narrative too flabby and the constant switching back and forth in time was not helped by the fact that the characters did not age! By the end of the film, Matt Damon's character looked exactly the same age as his son, so that they could have been mistaken as brothers rather than father and son! I think this is a film for the DVD and to be watched slowly and attentively.

It wasn't a particularly good weekend of films, as on the Sunday I made the trip to Coventry to see friends Derek & Carla, to see Hot Fuzz. I thought the premise was good - the idea of dark and sinister deeds being done by those who on the face of it appear thoroughly decent and ordinary village folk. Timothy Dalton was particularly good as one of the villagers turned secret vigilantes. What I struggled with though was the tone of the film. Often it was funny, although I didn't find it riotously so, sometimes serious but also disturbingly gratuitous in its violent deaths. It jarred in my mind and I found parts uncomfortable viewing; it was like being asked to laugh at a car crash. Not a funny subject at any time. I was also annoyed by the constant product references, something which I often find noticeable and irritating in films today.

Last week was a few days spent back in Portsmouth for my birthday, which was a quiet although nevertheless enjoyable time. The weekend just past was back in MK with friends staying over. On Saturday we visited Bletchley Park, which was an enjoyable afternoon, although all together too short to really enjoy the whole site. At least the ticket is valid for a whole year and I will be taking myself off for another visit before too long.

Hopefully a quieter weekend awaits this weekend when I'll have some time to myself including catching up on some of my recent DVD purchases!